(U.S.) Townsend translated book
Cai Dai An
Chapter
limits what came to me a pair of parents to raise a request often heard, I hope I can I asked them in what is now Bill? They answered:
so they are very surprised, long history, started from a very young age. In their eyes, Bill has never been
Obviously, the couple loved their son, is also the worry about his current living conditions. They try everything to hope that Bill has changed the lives of over responsibility, but in vain invalid. Bill is still doing drugs, evading responsibility, promiscuity friends some questions.
they said: They always supply all the needs of daily life, Bill. Money off him, so that When Bill fell when homework has been dropped out, or not go to class, and they are very hard to help him re-find a school, want to
wait for them to tell Yizhen, I said: expression is a snapshot of photos! Exactly one minute, one can not believe the way they looked at me. Finally, the father finally began to speak: No matter what he wants, he almost can find it, there was nothing to worry about it! Anyway, you pay, you unhappy, you worry, your planning, since you would use every effort to meet all his desires. Bill is not a problem because you all to help him pay up. those issues should have been him, it now seems that you have become a problem. You want me to help him do some of the issues? crazy, but they are slowly seeing a glimmer of light.
you to back he took on.
all sprinkled on the lawn of his house. your family's lawn so yellow wilt, Bill poured his house to see the green grass, said to myself: 'It seems the courtyard of my house no problem with it!' your son's life is such that he need not study, do not have a plan, do not find a job, still live comfortably, Hua Buwan more money, but also have a responsible family member can enjoy all the privileges. > on the mound to live in not in the grass. Over time, he might not like the kind of life. happy, you are responsible for the miserable flies. In fact, as long as you set boundaries with him is like, and put up a fence, leave the matter to his family in the courtyard of his house; Anyway, that question has always been his, not yours .
his face told me that he is beginning to understand.
invisible boundaries and responsibilities
real estate in the real world,Discount UGG boots, the boundary is easy to see that. Fences, signs, walls, put a crocodile in the trenches, manicured lawns, hedges, are all visible lines. Appearance may be somewhat different, the same message: This is my home at the start of the boundary. In law, real estate owner must be on his or her estate solely responsible for what happened; if you are not the owner, you do not need to be responsible.
people on land ownership, the reality is a visible boundary of the land boundary, you can go to the county to court to find out where those boundaries? The local community when something goes wrong, you have to be responsible for calling whom?
the boundaries of our inner world and the real world as real as the boundary, but usually not easy to see it. The thrust of this chapter to assist you in the line of those elusive to define, understand the fact that they often exist to add your love will be able to save your life. Real life, the boundaries of your soul will be positioned to help you protect and maintain your heart. We can help locate, define what is me, and what is not me. Boundaries can be marked so far I go, people where to start, so I have
know that I can have what my responsibility is what will give me free. If I understand the courtyard of my house where to start, and where to end, I can freely come and go. So, to be responsible for their own lives will give me a lot of different options; not
Imagine if someone said to you: How confusing! Or, they do not give you the tools to protect the territory, which not only tell you to confusion, while still very dangerous.
but that is happening in our emotional and spiritual situation. God made us hope that we can live in their own If the scope of no one to tell us or teach us the error range, our lives will be caught in great suffering.
However, our family or some past relationships, often to those who brought us the scope of confused.
boundaries in addition to telling us what is responsible for the accident must also tell us what is not our property, what we do not need to be responsible. For example, we do not need to be responsible for others.
many cases, other people's Gave himself to help others bear the burden they could not afford, it is sacrificial love of Jesus, which is Jesus Christ did for us, he can not afford for us to shoulder our burden, he saved us, this is his responsible.
However, V also said: Every day can not be responsible for their own solution. There are some things no one else can do for us. We have ownership of certain things in life is our own
Greek These burdens like a stone, you can crush us. We can not own a person carrying a boulder; barely worth, we will be pressed back down. The face of those rock - that is encountered in life crisis and tragedy - we need to help others shot.
the contrary, the Greek term . The burden is like backpacks (knapsacks), is the person responsible, she says. Therefore, God expects us to deal with their feelings, attitudes, behaviors, and he entrusted the responsibility of each one of us. He expected everyone can carry their own backpack, even if sometimes it is not easy.
when people put the problem occurred. The results, not the cause of endless suffering, is to generate irresponsible behavior.
order not to make their own grief or irresponsible, early decision, Discussed later in this chapter to why the responsibility we have now, let us first look, in the end boundary of the feature?
Boundaries help us In other words, the line allows us to Boundaries help us to protect our treasures (Stay in the pearl inside the boundary, the pigs get in outside.
Sometimes we stay in the fence confused the bad, the good block the fence. At this time, we must be able to open the fence door, up to a good dinner from entering the outer fence to send the bad. That is, we are building the fence must have a door. For example, I think there is suffering or evil heart, and you must open your door, with God or others transport to the experience with the treatment. Reveal the pain of the heart or repentance for their sins mistake, you can help us to The book
out if there are good things, we will open the door, Jesus comes to those who If other people have good things to us, we must open the door to the good stuff (But, we often come from others outside the good things aside, losing the opportunity to enjoy those good things.
long story short, the line is not a wall. We want to live in a community with others, but within the community, everyone has his own space and enjoy his own real estate. Most importantly, we must make the boundaries of real estate through, but also all the risk is enough to get in line outside.
However, many trained in the growing abuse of the people, but often root and reversing the function of boundaries, so that come the bad, the good get in the door. Mary is the abuse of his father grew up, his father did not encourage her to develop a correct line. The results, she gave her heart door closes, the pain is hidden in the heart, do not know the harm suffered by her expression of them and put the pain out, and do not know how to open the door, so that the outside support to heal her injuries mind. To make matters worse, she put more people to take advantage of a bad or painful So, when she came to seek our assistance when the heart filled with a lot of pain, still being harmed, and the external support all
she must function of her line again reversed. She had to build a durable fence to block out the bad stuff, and add a gate in the fence so that her soul can go out in the bad things, and her great need of good things to come.
boundaries of God and the concept of boundaries
from God's nature. God is clear and precise definition of his own, unique, independent and absolutely responsible for their own in the end God. God has told us that his own views, feelings, plans, what he allowed to prohibit something, like, dislike what, to the personality of his position and responsibility.
God and his definition of his own creation, and we are all separate. God put all of himself with the other separate. He told us who he is, but not who. For example, he says he is love, he is not the dark (
In addition, Trinity is also bounded. Father, Son and Holy Spirit although the Trinity, but very different, each has its own number of different boundaries. Each cell has its own position and responsibilities, each has its own number of different boundaries. Each cell has its own position and responsibilities, but is closely related to each other, as in love (
God on his He resist evil, to allow the consequences. Guard his house, do not let things happen corrupt or evil, or in it. The people who love him, he invited them in, and the love poured on them. He who
Similarly, God has given us his He told us to To achieve that goal, we must have a god of boundaries. We have to God as a model, learning and development that we have lost in the hope that those boundaries.
example
any boundaries you and other people can distinguish the difference, or show you where to start, where was the end, all boundaries. Here are some examples of boundaries.
skin
their most basic definition of the boundaries of their own skin. Most people tend to this line is a metaphor for personal boundaries have been violated. Your own body is the first to let you know you are not one of the methods with others. An infant, you will gradually find that hug you and your father or mother is not the same person.
the boundaries of the skin can make a good stay in the inside, to block out the bad. Protect your skin, blood, bone, its stay in the body completely. The skin can prevent bacterial invasion, protect you from bacterial infection. Skin is also open to
suffered physical harm and those who have been sexually abused, PT boundary often can not have a clear feeling, or concept. Because they are young, teach them to others is this: their ownership (property) does not really start from the skin, others can be a violation of their property or do whatever they want. The results, grow up, they will be very difficult to establish boundaries for themselves.
real life discourse,bailey UGG boots, fence or some other structure, often used to represent the boundary or boundaries. In the spiritual world, that the fence is invisible, but you can still use your words to building a road for their own protection of their walls.
basic words is: This statement to let people know you exist and that they are separate from your control yourself. If you have a clear chapters 12).
not, is face to face is the problem with the wording. .
No limit of people do not know how often people say, do not know how to reject someone else's control, pressure; sometimes people really need, they also struggled whether to say no. They say that the one with the others, it will undermine their relations with each other, so even if dissatisfied with the heart still reluctant to obey. Sometimes, the pressure is added to others of your body; sometimes, but for yourself, you think you Not external pressure and the pressure inside you say, you lose all your property (property) of the control, and also not enjoy the
and others when you communicate your feelings, intentions, or the likes and dislikes, your words are positioning for your property. If you do not have your words for your property location, others will be difficult to understand your position. When God said: Your words can help others understand your position, you position yourself, let others know your
know the truth and the truth of God's sovereignty can give you his line to let you know that line in the end he is. Understanding of God can not change the absolute truth that can help you locate the relationship with God. For example, he said: The face of God's truth is to face reality, obedience to God's truth, and keep his testimonies, and will enable you to have a relatively good life (
Satan most likely to distort the truth, looking back at the Garden of Eden, Satan tempted Eve to doubt God's boundaries, and his truth, the result, of course, very tragic.
in truth is always safe; whether it is to know God's truth or the truth about yourself. Many people can not set up their own boundaries, can not accept not show the true self, so live life undisciplined chaos of life. Real understanding and with yourself, can give you out of the
geographical distance
Often perform the same as Jesus, when you show your boundaries to each other after the physical with each other to keep a distance for your physical, emotional, spiritual needs, and then recharged.
Or, you can be excused in order to avoid the danger that things will not deteriorate. If you can avoid a bit and let people stay on the experience of loss of friendship, and perhaps will change the behavior of the other party (11-13 below).
relationships between people, or if there are violations of acts of abuse, often the only way is to keep a distance, let the other know the boundaries you set up is true until the other person to solve the problem. In order to control
time
When your life is out of control, when you need to set up boundaries or re-painting, a person or you temporarily leave the work done for some time, allowing you to regain control of life in the control of the situation.
mentally or emotionally had never been separated from their parents and adult children and their parents often need a break. the arms of their parents, reluctant to leave or afraid to give up her already outdated and that the relationship between the parents. They must have some time to discard old baggage, re-relationship with their parents for them to draw new boundaries; Sometimes, they may find themselves estranged parents; In fact, apart for some time, but between parents and children can improve relationship.
emotional distance (Emotional Distance)
maintain emotional distance is a temporary line, can give your heart the need to secure space; but not long-term case. Feelings of traumatized people need to find a safe place to ease their emotions calm. In unhappy marriages, who are sometimes subject to abuse and harm to their own people to keep a distance emotionally, knowing that the other party is willing to begin to address the problem, into a trustworthy person.
yourself you should not have repeatedly injured or disappointed. If you are in a relationship to be tortured, you have to wait until the really very safe, or we can see each other really improved, you can return to the other side. Many people are too early due to forgive each other and believe that he (she) does not make sure what he (she) is really Do not try to find the truth, and continue to have sexual abuse or addiction who open the door, is very foolish. Of course, to be able to forgive others, but also know how to protect yourself first, know that you sure have changed each other up.
other people you must rely on others to help you build and maintain boundaries. Those subject to the addiction of others, control or abuse will find: so many years, they kind of Support system support, the first time they can ill-treatment or control their people say no!
Why do I need someone to help you set up the line? There are two reasons. First, you need in life is the most basic human relationships. People often suffer because of interpersonal relationships. The reason why many people suffer repeated abuse of each other is afraid of resistance, the other party will leave yourself and let yourself become isolated. Is because of fear alone, many people over the years has been in the situation of abuse, fear that the boundary set, their lives will no longer love.
However, if they can open the door, and let others help them, they will find in fact that people who bully them again and again, is not the only source of love in this world, they can get from the support group power, they would have set the boundaries should be set, no longer feel alone. Church of Jesus Christ to give them the strength to withstand the difficulties and damage.
Another reason is that we need new ideas and teachings. Many people have been misled by the church or family, setting up boundaries that do not meet the These people need a good support group to give them correct and in line with The second part of this book, we will discuss in detail the emotional relationship in which the main life, how do we set boundaries. Now, we want the focus of attention is: Jiexian not set up in nada in; Sheli boundaries often need a support network.
consequences
site is infringing of the consequences of.
like responsible for the consequences of the knot in the end. couple of his (her), said warned about both their own says it will do, many marriages are in fact can be undone. Or, parents and children on issues ultimatum: . If the parents can uphold those warned about in the end, I believe many young people will be the prodigal son.
Paul was not joking. God does not allow irresponsible behavior, but laziness is the consequence of starvation (
This is to tell each other: we very principle of their lives, based on our wholehearted commitment to the values we have beneficial to live, we will protect and defend such a promise. What I
within the boundaries of it?
In many ways, Try to think of it, if that is the Samaritan who knows no boundaries or principles, then what will be a problem?
you should know the story: A man returned from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his clothes, beat him half to death, leaving his left. A worship and a Levite, from the other side of the road passes have not seen as the same. But a Samaritan, who traveled, came where, moved with compassion and tried to bandage his wounds, took him to the hotel to go take care of him. The next day the Samaritan took out some money to the hotel owner, said: familiar with the story, assuming that the injured man is now just woke up and said: Asia answered.
Christians simply do not like it! to my people most in need of such malicious abandon you, and your 'sacrifice and dedication of his' spirit gone? . So, he and that person an extra three days to chat with him to determine that person happy and satisfied.
third day afternoon, knock on the door from. A person with a letter came in,UGGs, handed him a letter Samaritans Jericho letter from a business partner: others, our next batch will come six months after the camel. The Israelis screaming: can do this to me? We could all be temporarily moved because of compassion and help people that need our help, but some skills playing for each other, so that we do more than the original meaning of our results, we become dissatisfied, angry, and we miss life must come to something. Or, because we want from others who get a lot of things, they began to put pressure on each other until the other side to surrender. But, not from their heart to give, is derived from obedience, and give reluctantly. Both cases and results,UGG bailey button, will be a lose-lose, lose.
To avoid such situations from occurring, we must know what is within our boundaries, we just why the responsibility.
feelings (Feelings)
in the Christian world, feelings are often distorted and, some say it simply not important, it is also a physical expression of passion, really everything. But, one after another example of constantly telling us: the feelings of our motives and behavior, in fact, occupied a very important role. Have you seen the number of persons injured feelings and make each other do not please God or the desecration of the things of God like? How many years has repeatedly ignored because of their feelings and suicidal tendencies, because patients suffering from depression but to be hospitalized?
feelings, not only can not be ignored, nor can they control. Feelings often motivate people to do good. The good Samaritan is because it moved with compassion, will help the Israelis who were injured (Story of the prodigal son but also because the father to his son moved with compassion, and his hands fell on his neck, Jesus, those people who come to hear him many times,
feelings from the heart, can let you know the relationship between you and the other party or status. Feelings can let you know in the end your relationship is to maintain good or is out of the question.
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